reflexive perspective

for the last two weeks i have had this feeling that i am on the a canyon edge of illness. not, i hasten to add, whilst touching much wood, an illness proper... more of a sore throat thing that makes me feel borderline crappy and doesn't even have the balls to man up and become an actual bout of flu.

also, i have been putting on weight. and again, in the interest of perspective, i must point out that i am perfectly healthy and have not wriggled into the overweight section of the bmi chart- i'm just a smidge bigger than the clothes i want to wear really allow. let's just refer to it as borderline muffin top territory, which at thirty one and with two children (at some points literally) under my belt i sometimes feel more than entitled to roll around in as much as i like... but i just cannot allow my self to get comfortable. this is stupid for any number of reasons, not least because i think a bit of flesh looks amazing on most other women, and also for the fact that i have this idea that bootcut jeans look absolutely awful on me and should not be attempted under any circumstances. (See also linen, most shades of green, kitten heels and employment. joke.)

this, and various other things to do with hormones, bank balances and a (apparently) waning libido, tell me i need something to shake all this up. a friend mentioned to me today we should start going for a weekly run together (i mumbled something about my knees in a non-commital fashion, but..), i found myself ordering my coffee today with soy rather than skimmed, and then even toying with the idea of going decaff (this is like a sixty-a-day smoker toying with the idea of only ever buying candy cigarettes from now on). all this tells me that maybe i need to at least make some token changes in order to placate the psychosomatic imbalance in sweetie-ville. or something.

anyway- so far what i am referring to as the me+ctrl+alt+del options list thus:-

1. start running/ saving for the physiotherapy bills.
2. do the master cleanse and temporarily become insane but thin, hopefully recharging my immune system along the way.
3. swap coffee for green tea and, like, pilates.

4. reduce the gluten in my diet (heartbreaking).

5. realise what incredibly self indulgent thoughts these are and how lucky i am that this is all i'm dealing with right now, that even if it doesn't always look like it within the context of the society i live in, i am extraordinarily fortunate and should put this energy into realising that and attempt in whatever small or large ways i can to improve the lives of those that i love and in my community... with donuts.