head/ hands

1. on the phone just a minute ago, i told montana that he has a new name on this blog. that he has a name at all. and he is bitterly disappointed that it is not 'futurecybertron'. honestly.

2. because it is now attempting to be summer, one felt one had to step up the grooming a notch or twelve. i went into lush looking for something that would render me slightly less reptilian and waltzed out with a 'business time' massage bar, which, as you will know because you are so utterly and irrevocably hip, is some sort of 'flight of the conchords' tribute. watching that, i realise that it's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. oh. whatever- i am totally distracted by the smell of my arms. it's so very great that i am going to have to give it up... at least on weekdays, or days in which i have to pull focus of any kind, or not get chased down the road by dogs. honestly, it's like baby powder, or burlap, or freshly printed wedding invitations. ridiculously good.

3. little boy is now on his third (3rd) copy of wall-e. he is literally wearing them out.

4. i'm turning the kitchen into a gigantic chalkboard. right now. don't say anything. just pass me that brush. what do you mean, "regrettably compulsive"?

5. it's my daughter's first assessment tomorrow.

6. there is no espresso in the fridge. there is no espresso in the fridge. there is no espresso in the fridge.

7. everyone, and by everyone i mean everyone in the world that isn't me or you or perhaps some other people you know, is going on holiday this weekend. away. everyone. look at them, with their patrick gale novels and their passports and their sun tan lotion and their hopes of relaxation and/or a good time. quitters.

8. at the end of the month, i get to go clothes shopping. glee. this doesn't happen very often anymore, as i need to keep my children in socks and evacuee-style frocks. i am attempting to resist the urge to spend all my hard saved wedge on one beautiful (ridiculous) item that lives year round in my wardrobe with all of it's glamourous (ridiculous) chums, while i lurch out of the house each morning in tracksuit bottoms with ground in play-doh and some delapidated t-shirt commemorating my wonderful time at the sorbonne (i never went to the sorbonne). exchanging the money into topshop vouchers might be the solution, but then knowing me i'll end up with four identical kate moss maxi dresses and some delusional notion that i have been practical. again. i hate what the fashion industry has done to me.

9. we have five impending blooms on our new papaver orientale, which, as my five year old daughter poppy points out, is fairly 'iconic'.

10. after a weekend of alternating threats and bribes, being screamed at, empty promises, pleading, insults, whining and foot stamping, i have been broken. i am now going to go and clean aforementioned daughter's bedroom, with any luck before environmental health show up.

i don't know where she gets it from.

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roots

who knows what makes us what we are.

this is a papercut piece called "speak flower" by kako ueda.





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reflexive perspective

for the last two weeks i have had this feeling that i am on the a canyon edge of illness. not, i hasten to add, whilst touching much wood, an illness proper... more of a sore throat thing that makes me feel borderline crappy and doesn't even have the balls to man up and become an actual bout of flu.

also, i have been putting on weight. and again, in the interest of perspective, i must point out that i am perfectly healthy and have not wriggled into the overweight section of the bmi chart- i'm just a smidge bigger than the clothes i want to wear really allow. let's just refer to it as borderline muffin top territory, which at thirty one and with two children (at some points literally) under my belt i sometimes feel more than entitled to roll around in as much as i like... but i just cannot allow my self to get comfortable. this is stupid for any number of reasons, not least because i think a bit of flesh looks amazing on most other women, and also for the fact that i have this idea that bootcut jeans look absolutely awful on me and should not be attempted under any circumstances. (See also linen, most shades of green, kitten heels and employment. joke.)

this, and various other things to do with hormones, bank balances and a (apparently) waning libido, tell me i need something to shake all this up. a friend mentioned to me today we should start going for a weekly run together (i mumbled something about my knees in a non-commital fashion, but..), i found myself ordering my coffee today with soy rather than skimmed, and then even toying with the idea of going decaff (this is like a sixty-a-day smoker toying with the idea of only ever buying candy cigarettes from now on). all this tells me that maybe i need to at least make some token changes in order to placate the psychosomatic imbalance in sweetie-ville. or something.

anyway- so far what i am referring to as the me+ctrl+alt+del options list thus:-

1. start running/ saving for the physiotherapy bills.
2. do the master cleanse and temporarily become insane but thin, hopefully recharging my immune system along the way.
3. swap coffee for green tea and, like, pilates.

4. reduce the gluten in my diet (heartbreaking).

5. realise what incredibly self indulgent thoughts these are and how lucky i am that this is all i'm dealing with right now, that even if it doesn't always look like it within the context of the society i live in, i am extraordinarily fortunate and should put this energy into realising that and attempt in whatever small or large ways i can to improve the lives of those that i love and in my community... with donuts.