what katy didn't do

i know i'm well over the hill and probably not qualified to comment, and god knows i abhore bitchery in all its forms, whatever my fashion allegiances may be, but until recently i have been borderline vexed by katy perry.

my reasons run thus- she's stepping on my toes just a bit with her look (...i'm sure that keeps her awake at night. i know that would make those who see me running to school in my boyfriend's t-shirt and old jogging bottoms chortle, but it's mainly a colouring/ body type thing, and i never said this list was going to be rational); pretending to be a lesbian in order to excite boys or sell records is depressingly nineties; she has been known to make thoughtless comments regarding homosexuals (before reinventing herself in the predictable pseudo-sappho mold) ,and also about lily allen (i am ferociously protective of lily allen for reasons that wholly ellude me); plus, i think her (ex?) boyfriend travis whatever is supercute even if he does look in need of a good wash, and she always looked a bit unconvinced when photographed with him. of course, given these flimsy reasons, it's not like i was devoting my life to her downfall. i found her irritating only on a par a ten minute bout of tinnitus.

however, all this has been brought into sharp perspective by the arrival of someone as irritating as persistant menstrual cramp. someone called- and i shudder to write this-lady gaga, whom i now regard, with a healthy sense of fun, as my personal nemesis. i'm all for the new, don't get me wrong. nothing makes me happier than a hip young thing mixing it up, and i'm all for experimental hairdye, unlikely shoes, androgeny, reinvention and evolution, but i do my iashion irreverence to come with a bit of humility.

as far as i can tell, lady gaga produces music which is unaffecting at best. when i first heard that song she, um, sings, i thought it was ashley simpson, and in fact i can't remember the title of it purely because i can't separate in it my head from "outta my head", which is by, yup, ashley simpson. her look is very provincial british fashion school two years ago, with a prevalence of bubble hems, off the shoulder sweats and comedy headwear. she is filthy rich. none of this bothers me, none of it bothers me at all, in fact i'm borderline indifferent until i read that she thinks this is all very important, epoch-making, significant work she's doing. she's surrounded herself with fawning hangers on/ creatives and describes this merry entourage as a modern day version of warhol's factory- or "haus of gaga" (and, no, i'm not quite sure how one would pronounce that.) she has a vision, a mission, a purpose. she has taken ziggy stardust as a starting point, been to topshop, and now thinks she is defining a whole new era. jesus.

watching this, i could feel my brain cells disintegrate at a rate usually only ever caused by persistent solvent abuse. i accept that paris hilton is in it too, and therefore we are witnessing some previously unparalelled levels of stupity tag teaming, and actually, yeah, paris does come off worse, but that's basically a given, isn't it?

maybe i'm just getting old.





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