Monday 13 April 2009

a.s. sets her stall out

it appears to some that i am now dyspraxia/ ASD mental. perhaps, i have become something of a bore. i do have this tendency to get all obsessive about certain subjects and try to gather as much information as i can, utterly immersing myself in facts and data and trivia and boring people to death with it.... well. quite.

but i know that, actually, i know next to nothing, and recently, i found myself attempting to articulate to an interested party why i haven't been reading all the heavyweight neurological tomes which are availible to enquiring minds, as might be expected. my response was something like this: easy now. i am not ready to submerge myself in autism academically. i have been through a stage of realising, with something like horror, that lots of little things that we do here are in some way "spectral", and it was traumatic not because it was in someway "abnormal" or "autistic" but because it stopped being "mummy" and "poppy" and "rudy" and started being "symptomatic". look up at the sky. look around you. how long have you got? really? yes, i know what i score on the aq test. you? well. i got a 39, and? attempting to unravell what biological quirks lead to our being wired a bit differently is not the best use of my time and energy. no denial, no resistance, just acceptance, absorption, and when we can, a laugh. there is more to me than this. and if there isn't, then let me just kid myself for a while longer, with the sun on my face and caffeine coursing happily thorugh my veins.

and so to the name change. remember a kids show called rainbow bright? this seemed appropriate. well, more so than a tongue in cheek pompo-blog title about magical pasta.

it was another good weekend.




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